Health
· Aug 11, 2026
· 1
Xenomorph Queen Freezes Eggs
ARCHERON (LV-426) - A grotesque creature scientists identified as a Xenomorph Queen reportedly elected to freeze its eggs until such time as it become...
Sports
· Aug 10, 2026
· 38
Cute: 5-Year-Old White Girl Dreams Of One Day Getting Beaten Up In The WNBA
TERRE HAUTE, IN - In a wholesome display of innocence, a five-year-old white girl reportedly told her parents how she dreamed of one day growing up to...
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Life
· Aug 8, 2026
· 147
Top 10 Reasons To Move To California
With the population of California diminishing of late, we at The Babylon Bee are here to help turn the tide. Here are just ten of the many great reaso...
Sports
· Aug 9, 2026
· 100
Bigotry Rears Ugly Head As WNBA Refuses To Allow This Stunning, Beautiful Woman Into League
U.S. - In a disgusting act of appalling bigotry, the WNBA is refusing to allow a stunning, beautiful woman into the league on the grounds that she is ...
Politics
· Aug 10, 2026
· 69
Inspired By AOC, James Talarico Also Elects To Have His Eggs Frozen
AUSTIN, TX - Senate candidate James Talarico announced on Monday morning that he would be following in the inspiring footsteps of Representative Alexa...
Life
· Aug 8, 2026
· 108
Teenage Cashier Desperately Hoping Middle-Aged Man Will Start Up Small Talk With Her
ROANOKE, VA - Upon seeing a middle-aged man join her line, local 16-year-old grocery cashier Mandy Banks began desperately hoping that he would try to...
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Politics
· Aug 7, 2026
· 77
Mitch McConnell's Staff Says He Was Dropped Off At A Farm In The Country Where He'll Be Happier And Have More Room To Run Around
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Staff for Mitch McConnell assured the nation that the Kentucky senator had been dropped off at a nice farm in the country where he ...
Life
· Aug 7, 2026
· 62
Man Unsure Whether Wife's Vanilla Honey Goat Butter Spread Is For Toast Or Face
DALLAS, TX - Local husband Mark Higgins stood frozen in his kitchen Thursday morning, staring blankly at a glass jar labeled "Vanilla Honey Goat Butte...
Family
· May 19, 2026
· 59
Study Reveals 90% Of Data Centers Just Storing Your Wife’s Pictures Of The Kids
OVERLAND PARK, KS - The need for the construction of massive data storage centers has been in the news again recently, with the results of a new study...
Economy
· Aug 6, 2026
· 103
7 Hacks To Obtain A Burrito For Less Than $20
Burritos are really, really expensive these days, apparently. But fear not - there are still ways to get them without having to shell out $20 a pop. Y...
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Premium
· Jun 15, 2026
· 72
How Was Church? June 15, 2026 Edition
Sunday is the best day of the week. The coffee tastes a little bit better when enjoyed with the people of the Lord. How was church for you yesterday? ...
Premium
· May 25, 2026
· 40
It's Memorial Day: Whom Are You Honoring?
Hey, Bee family!
Premium
· May 19, 2026
· 96
Farewell, Thomas Massie! Here Are 7 Of The Bee's Most Memorable Articles About Tom
As you may have heard, Thomas Massie has officially been defeated in Kentucky's GOP primary, heralding the end of his Congressional tenure. Massie has...
Premium
· May 18, 2026
· 33
Rejected Babylon Bee Photoshop #3492
Our crack team of certified fake news specialists work tirelessly every day to bring you fake news you can trust. We've shared before about how our te...
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