Zelensky Announces Run For Second Term Of U.S. Presidency
World · May 19, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

KYIV — Following a successful first term as Chief Executive of the United States of America, Volodymyr Zelensky has officially announced plans to run for a second term as U.S. President.

His toughest rival is predicted to be Vladimir Putin, who served as U.S. President from 2016-2020.

"Today I am formally announcing plans to 'finish the job' as leader of the United States," said President Zelensky from the balcony of his $130 million Ukrainian mansion. "Only in America can a poor immigrant comedian achieve his lifelong dream of asking for like three thousand missiles and getting them in a week. I love America!"

Zelensky then listed the top agenda items he would implement during his second term as President:

  • Add more blue and yellow to the American Flag.
  • Declare all Russians poopy heads
  • Also, nuke Russia
  • Edit the Pledge of Allegiance to contain more off-color jokes
  • Pocket another $300 million

At publishing time, Volodymyr Zelensky had announced the first female Asian-American Vice Presidential running mate, Xi Jinping in a blonde wig.


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