Church
Worship Band To Continue Social Distancing From Bass Player

PINE GROVE, OR—The worship band at Pine Grove Cornerstone Community Church confirmed Friday its plan to continue its social distancing procedure when it comes to its bass player.

The church will continue to have the bass player stand off to the side in the shadows during every worship set, well over six feet away from the rest of the band. He also won't be invited to any official worship team functions. The bass player has also confirmed his plans to continue showing up at least fifteen minutes late to practice to do his part.

"Uh, yeah, sure, it's for coronavirus or whatever. But frankly, bass players are just a little weird," said worship leader Jonathan "Zebedee" James, "and ours is no exception. He's just a little off, bobbing his head around and trying to slip little funky bass lines in everywhere. I know God makes us all special and loves us all very much, but I think he made our bass player a little too special."

The bass player is helping everyone keep their distance by firing off a sweet Red Hot Chili Peppers riff anytime someone tries to approach him.

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