BOSTON, MA - The worship band at Free Grace Community Church confirmed Thursday it had instituted a "No 'Stairway to Heaven'" policy during practice times.
The policy, which bans any melodies, licks, riffs, lyrics, or chord progressions from the iconic Led Zeppelin song during worship band practice, was formulated in order to preserve the sanity of the band's members, sources confirmed.
"Look, we get it: you all know how to play 'Stairway to Heaven,'" worship leader Scott "Skitch" Etherton said, addressing the group. "It's a great song, no one's denying that. But seriously, if any of you plays that friggin' riff one more time, I will punch you in the throat."
"I'm not even joking," he added sternly.
At publishing time, the guitar riffs from "Smoke on the Water", "Smells Like Teen Spirit", and "Enter Sandman" had all been added to the ban.