PEORIA, IL — The local worship band for Redeemer Church has continued its decade-long shadow ban on bass player Kevin Young.
"Yeah man, the levels are perfect," said vocalist Andrew Doerschuk, with the bass output again set to zero. "You're really adding that depth to our sound, bro."
According to sources, the shadow ban originated years ago when the sound guy realized he had never hit the button to turn on Mr. Young's bass. "That was probably two years after Kevin had joined the band," reported sound guy Dave Laramie. "I felt terrible, but no one in the band had any idea. I switched it on a few times just out of curiosity, but as far as Andrew and I could tell, Kevin was just playing that riff from 'Schism' over and over. He seems so happy up there though, so we just left him turned off."
A faithful member of the band, Mr. Young has admitted to having occasional suspicions of a shadow ban. "I'm completely in my element up there, rocking my beanie and shredding in the background," said Mr. Young. "Still, I have wondered sometimes why no one ever comments when I totally slay a riff during the pastor transition time. Also, a couple of times I forgot to plug my bass in, and everyone said I sounded awesome that day. Who knows?"
The praise band has also reportedly continued its shadow ban of the rotating cast of twenty-three different backup vocalists.
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!