OCEANVIEW, CA—A mid-service stretch can be distracting, but for one woman, it may have determined her eternal fate.
According to witnesses, local woman Genevieve Rearden grew restless approximately eight minutes into Grace Baptist Church’s weekly altar call Sunday morning and yawned, raising her hands high above her head to stretch the muscles in her back.
“I see that hand,” the pastor reportedly intoned. “Thank you. I sense there are at least three more.”
Moments later, ushers arrived and whisked Rearden away to a back room, where she was quickly and efficiently given a church T-shirt, a CD with the pastor’s most recent sermon series, a Left Behind DVD, and a Bible.
The local woman was also reportedly walked through three repetitions of the sinner’s prayer, just to be safe.
“I was just getting a little tired,” a bewildered Rearden said after the service. “I didn’t mean to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior, but I guess I’m in for the long haul now. Oh well. You live and you learn.”
At publishing time, Rearden had accidentally volunteered for children’s ministry.
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