Woman In Singles Ministry Gets Married, Promoted To Real Christian
Church · Nov 2, 2017 · BabylonBee.com

LYNEL, TX - Judy Birch has been a proud member of Flying Solo, the Singles Ministry at First Baptist Church, for twelve years, but was finally promoted to a real Christian after getting married this weekend.

"We'd like to welcome Judy to real Christianity and the actual church now," Pastor Judd said at a special welcome luncheon. "After years of pretending to be a Christian in our singles ministry, she's ready to join the big leagues."

"Way to go Judy!" he added as the crowd cheered.

The church presents each member who graduates the singles ministry and joins the church's actual ministries with a gift Bible, a devotional, and a commemorative plaque, with church leaders confirming that of their 150-200 singles each year, only a few are able to escape the purgatory of singles' ministry and make it into the Kingdom of God.

"Judy's our first convert to the actual faith this year, so we're excited to see if we see an uptick in conversions from singles ministry members to Christian converts," the pastor said.

As part of her induction into the faith, Birch will be expected to host several small groups, contribute to the upcoming bake sale, and pump out at least five kids to support the church's aggressive growth strategy, sources confirmed.

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