AUSTIN, TX—It’s been very depressing lately for Democrats in Texas. Recently, a bill outlawing almost all abortions was upheld, and just the other day a new bill was signed into law clamping down on voter fraud.
So now, with Democrats’ two favorite activities—abortion and voter fraud—unavailable, they’re left with nothing to do all day.
“I just sit around and stare at the wall,” said Democrat Matthew Hughes, a local unemployed man. “There’s really nothing else I can do.”
Democrat Sandra Turner, also unemployed, agreed. “What I used to do each day was get abortions and sign up dead people to vote,” she said. “Now, it’s like—what else is there?”
There has been some thought about Democrats getting jobs, but most consider that a complete betrayal of their socialist principles. Others are thinking of moving to California, a utopia filled with abortions, voter fraud, and fire. “They do have a recall election happening,” said Turner. “Lots of opportunity for voter fraud there.”
Some Democrats are considering turning to their third favorite activity: stealing money from people. Democrats do this either through taxes or mugging as most Democrats are violent criminals. The only problem is that Texas also just passed constitutional carry, meaning absolutely anyone Democrats attempt to mug could be armed.
“This state sucks,” Hughes added.