GRAND TETONS, WA — In a tragic displacement caused by the ongoing government shutdown of National Parks, moose across the country have been forced to find new jobs.
According to one moose, nearly all of the moose formerly employed in the U.S. National Parks system have been forced to find jobs in fields ranging from entrepreneurship to travel planning.
"It's a rough economy for a hardworking moose," said another moose, who has received unemployment relief since he was let go from Yellowstone yesterday. "I can't work in fast food. I don't have opposable thumbs."
Already, hundreds of moose are lined up along American freeways holding signs saying things like: "Will graze while you take a picture for cash," and "RRRUUUUUAAWWWRRRRR," which is a common moose word experts have thus far been unable to translate.
"It's tragic to see the pain caused by the continuing shutdown of the government," said one park ranger to reporters. "Many of these moose are in danger of not surviving the long winter. Probably because they won't be able to pay their moose heating bills or something."
At publishing time, laid-off Buffalo were also seen accepting jobs as hitmen.
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