MADISON, WI - In what progressives are calling a "huge win" for democracy, the state of Wisconsin is reporting that over 9 billion people have voted in Wisconsin, which is 3000% of its registered voters.

"A 3000% voter turnout is pretty spectacular," said Secretary of State Doug LaFollette. "It is obvious that our democracy is so strong that it spontaneously materializes millions of real and totally legitimate voters. There's no other possible explanation for our abnormally high voter participation." 

Citizens in Wisconsin are celebrating this huge win for democracy but are curious as to why the local pancake house hasn't seen an influx of customers after 9 billion people were suddenly added to the state's population. 

"Must be shy!" said LaFollette.