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Politics
WINNING: As Part Of His New Trade Deal, Trump Just Strong-Armed Canada Into Taking Jim Carrey Back

Trump is doing so much winning that it's hard to keep track. From blasting reporters with his cunning wit to his finely crafted tweets, he's not just the POTUS—he's the GOATUS, are we right or are we right?

Well, Trump's done it again: in his latest winning move, Trump has forced Canada to take back Jim Carrey as part of the two countries' new trade deal. 

Wow! Did Barack Obama ever get Canada to take back any actors or singers? We didn't think so! The terms of the deal force Carrey to move back to the Great White North within the month, or the U.S. is allowed to invade and beat Canada again, just like we did in 1812. Carrey must take his paintings with him too, but the U.S. is allowed to keep all of his good movies. Canada has to take back all copies of the Dumb and Dumber sequel and Batman Forever, in the most brutal terms of the deal.

Better get to steppin', socialist Jim Carrey! We liked Dumb and Dumber and all, but your time here is up! Time to trade in your US dollars for narwhal tusks or whatever they use as trade currency in your primitive land. Hang up the Dunkin' Donuts and start getting used to the bitter taste of Tim Horton coffee, milk in a bag, and the failure of socialism!

In case we don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!

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