WOODLAKE, VA — Local wife Victoria Crab phoned her husband in the early evening Thursday to see if he could run by the store real quick on his way home from work so he could grab a couple thousand items.
"Honey, I'm making spaghetti for dinner, but we don't have any pasta. Can you pick some up?" Mrs. Crab asked. "Oh, and tomato sauce too! Actually, let's make it tomato paste. Wait, no — both. And salt and pepper. And I also need all the rest of the ingredients to make spaghetti and some groceries for next week."
Sources reveal the husband was in a meeting when his wife initially phoned and was unable to take the call. Ten minutes later he checked his phone and discovered 45 new voicemails, all from his wife.
"Oh, honey, I'm sorry. One more thing," Mrs. Crab said in her 45th message. "Could you get some spices too? Just one of each. Or three. Also some milk. And some socks and a new toaster."
Edgar Crab reportedly called his wife right away in an attempt to negotiate her down to only the essential items they needed for dinner that night. Sources say he was not up to the task.
Over $32,000 was spent at the grocery store.
At publishing time, Victoria had asked why her husband forgot the milk.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
