CHICAGO, IL — Devoted White Sox fans were overjoyed last week to discover that Rate Field had just been fully renovated to include new premium indoor suites with no windows so that you don't have to watch the White Sox play.
According to Chris Getz, the White Sox general manager, the new suites were specially designed to provide the maximum amount of luxury and style to White Sox fans while covering the windows with corrugated metal in order to shield them from the embarrassment of watching their team fail on the field.
"Each premium, platinum-level suite is intended to provide our loyal fans with all the comforts of home as they don't watch the team get shut out...again," Getz told reporters. "Every room is equipped with a minibar, genuine leather recliners, and no windows to make the once-in-a-lifetime experience of not watching the Sox give up 3 runs at the bottom of the fourth as pleasant as it can be under the circumstances."
Both White Sox fans were delighted by the innovation.
According to John Kabeane, a longtime White Sox fan, the new suites are "the best thing the team has done in years."
"This has really turned around my experience watching the Sox from last season," Kabeane said. "Now, instead of watching the Sox drop catches and whiff on pitches, I can sit and stare at the wall — it's a vast improvement."
At publishing time, the new suites had also been equipped with wide-screen TVs so that fans could watch other, far superior MLB games instead of suffering through the White Sox getting trounced again and again.
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