WASHINGTON, D.C. - CNN has just released a bombshell interview with an anonymous White House whistleblower, who gave a harrowing account that could spell trouble for the Biden administration.
Speaking with Jake Tapper, the whistleblower - who identifies as a "White House aide who is young, with no hair plugs or dentures and definitely not Joe Biden" - gave an account of brutal working conditions in the White House.
"Listen, folks, here's the deal," said the unidentified whistleblower through a distortion filter to protect his identity. "It stinks here, Jack! Strangers drag me from place to place and make me sign papers and read words on monitors and I hardly get any ice cream!"
"With so much to lose, why are you coming forward now?" asked Jake Tapper solemnly.
"Because it's the right thing to do, you lying dog-faced pony soldier!" said the mystery man whose face was shrouded in darkness. "No ice cream? Are you kidding me? It's inhumane! And I haven't sniffed hair in a week!"
We reached out to President Biden for a response but were unsuccessful.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: