OWASSO, OK — It was total amateur hour at First Baptist Church of Owasso as so-called "Pastor" Darren Parsons didn't even make each of his sermon points start with the same letter.
The congregation was left aghast as Parsons' sermon points not only started with different letters, but there were four instead of three, and they failed to make any sort of word or fun acronym.
"What a noob! Who is this chucklehead?" laughed parishioner Beverly Northam. "'Oh, look at me, I'm a pastor, and my sermon points start with G, B, K, and P.' Did this fella take the short bus to seminary or what?"
After being confronted with his moronic flub, Pastor Parsons buried his head in abject shame. "What have I done?" cried Parsons, ripping his sermon notes sheet into shreds. "Who am I to shepherd God's flock when I can't even write a proper sermon outline? Lord, have mercy on me!"
At publishing time, the deacon board had scheduled a meeting with Pastor Parsons after he had the congregation sing all the verses of a hymn instead of just verses one, two, three, and five.
Senator Mitch McConnell isn't doing too many interviews these days, but The Babylon Bee's Travis got the opportunity to sit down with the man, the myth, and the legend himself.
