SIOUX FALLS, SD — Local man Tom Goodwin completely embarrassed himself at church this morning after being forced to resort to his Bible tabs to locate the book of Habakkuk.

"I like Tom - but geez, what a weak Christian," said fellow parishioner Clint Mullins. "Who even has tabs on their Bible anymore? Total amateur hour on the third pew today."

Mr. Goodwin was reportedly caught completely off guard when the pastor opened his sermon by asking the congregation to turn to Habakkuk. "Come on, who preaches a stand-alone sermon on Habakkuk?" said Mr. Goodwin, his cheeks still flushed. "I flipped to Haggai, back to Micah, realized I was lost and just got super flustered. I started trying to sing that dumb kids' song with all the books of the Bible in it, but couldn't get past Obadiah. What a catastrophe."

After coming to terms with what a lousy Christian this made him, Mr. Goodwin has voluntarily agreed to re-start Sunday School at the elementary level. "The Lord has grace for all, even feeble Christians who use Bible tabs," said Sunday School director Tammy Adams. "Mr. Goodwin will go into remedial work, starting by joining our first-grade class until he has proven his readiness to graduate to second grade. There are no Bible tabs in second-grade, I'll tell you that right now."

At publishing time, Mr. Goodwin was getting absolutely smoked by six-year-olds during Sword Drills.

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