BURBANK, CA — In a move intended to show its ongoing commitment to diversity and righting any wrongs of the past, The Walt Disney Company announced it had posthumously fired Walt Disney for being a white male.
Disney leadership made the move in an effort to show that the company remains ever-vigilant to weed out the oppressive presence of Caucasian men from within its ranks and will go to whatever lengths are necessary to project a more diverse image in the future.
"We're deeply sorry we were founded by a white guy," said Senior Vice President and Chief Diversity Officer Tinisha Agramonte. "It is always our goal to fill every position with someone who is not a white male, and we were devastated to learn that The Walt Disney Company was, in fact, started by Walt Disney. We apologize for this error and have taken the appropriate steps to rectify it. We will do better."
Company executives were shocked and saddened to learn that Walt Disney, a white man, had founded what became The Walt Disney Company over a century ago, leading to the swift action of posthumously terminating Disney's association with the media and entertainment giant. "His tyrannical white male rule is over," Agramonte continued. "We will now be offering counseling and reparations to any employees of The Walt Disney Company who may have been hurt by the fact that it was founded by Walt Disney."
At publishing time, it was reported that company executives had launched an internal investigation to determine if CEO Bob Iger, a white male, should face disciplinary action for being a white male.
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