U.S. — Democratic politicians began distancing themselves from podcaster and campaign surrogate Hasan Piker after realizing that Piker was wearing a suicide vest.
Several prominent Democratic leaders sought to put a bit of space between themselves and Piker after estimating that the blast radius from the suicide vest would be at least 50 feet.
"To be honest, us Democrats sidling up to Piker may have been a mistake, what with the amount of TNT strapped to his chest," said Senator Chuck Schumer. "After seeing him wearing that thing, I felt like we needed, as a party, to re-evaluate that relationship. Hasan is just not the sort of person we want around our campaigns, basically because of the high risk of a mass casualty event. We need to put some daylight, roughly 55 feet worth, between Hasan and us."
An enraged Piker lashed out at Democrats for distancing themselves from him, blaming their allegiance to Israel. "Oh, so now you don't want to be near me just because I'm wearing a suicide vest? Clearly your Zionist handlers got to you," proclaimed Piker on his podcast. "This is what I get for doing nothing except speaking up for the people of Palestine and saying that 9/11 was awesome. I'm so upset, I feel like pressing a big red button."
At publishing time, Democratic Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed was happy to learn that he and Piker owned matching vests.
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