U.S.
Upping The Ante: Protesters Now Attempting To Stop High-Speed Freight Trains

U.S.—Videos have emerged from across the country of protesters attempting to stop traffic, futilely pushing back against racist trucks and bigoted Hummers.

But, sadly, stopping traffic somehow hasn't ended racism. So rioters are being forced to turn to a new strategy: blocking train tracks to stop freight trains in the name of social justice.

"Turn around and go the other way!" shouted enraged protesters outside Portland as a freight train hurtled toward them at 60 miles per hour. The engineer, being a racist, refused, and continued to go right toward them, blowing his horn, which is apparently some kind of racist dog whistle. "If you care about justice at all, SHUT! THIS! TRAIN! DOWN!" they cried.

Sadly, the racist train engineer did not stop, but just kept blaring his horn before blowing through the intersection. The protest was fairly quiet, serene, and mostly peaceful after that.

The protest tactic has proven ineffective so far, since train engineers are apparently such racists, but many cities are reporting significantly fewer rioters since the strategy was implemented.

"Honestly, we're OK with this approach," said one mayor in Texas. "They're welcome to try to stop as many trains as they like. In fact, we encourage it."

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