International Release For 'Mulan' Depicts Her Staying Home And Wowing A Husband With Her Cooking And Cleaning Abilities
Entertainment · Sep 5, 2020 · BabylonBee.com

BURBANK, CA - Disney has announced that the live-action movie Mulan will be undergoing some changes before its international release. This decision comes as a part of the company's initiative to make movies that are more inclusive for foreign markets.

"We were excited to tell this story of a brave, young, empowered woman, who defies cultural norms and goes to war to protect her country!" said new Disney CEO Bob Chapek. "But we knew all of that would have to be scrapped for international markets." 

Instead, the heroine will bring honor to her family by finding a man and blowing him away with her cooking and cleaning abilities. Mulan will no longer exhibit any desires to disobey her father, and she will certainly not even consider wearing a man's clothing and armor. The film will alternatively include montages of her sweeping, steaming up fresh bowls of rice, and raising children.

"Fortunately, with a few tweaks here and there only 90% of the movie had to be reshot." said director Niki Caro. "Now her reflection shows who she is inside the home as a properly domesticated wife that has no ambition in the wider world."

"Her character was an honorable, subservient wife who over the course of the movie bore her husband many male offspring." wrote a movie critic in the Beijing Times. "5 out of 5 stars! This movie is a must-see! Mulan is a paragon of femininity." 

"At Disney, we strive to be the most forward-thinking entertainment company out there," Chapek explains. "That's why we are committed to bringing you progressive stories that shatter glass ceilings and gender norms - just not when it is bad for business."

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