U.S.—As Snopes turns up the heat on The Babylon Bee, its writers were finally forced to admit that they are not real journalists.
In a statement issued Monday, Babylon Bee's editorial team confessed they have been making up their stories this entire time.
"The headlines, the copy, the quotes---they're all fake," said the site's editor in chief, hanging his head in shame. "It started a few years ago. We made up a few stories about church culture, some about politics, some about everyday life, just for fun." But the EIC said that things quickly got out of hand, as their completely made-up stories started going viral.
"It all happened so fast," he said. "We just wanted to have a little fun and make some jokes, and I guess it got out of hand."
Sources confirmed The Babylon Bee even hired a professional Photoshop guy full time to fabricate images of events that did not actually occur, such as Joe Biden getting hit with a blue shell, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez going on The Price is Right and guessing that everything is free, Ruth Bader Ginsburg coming back as a cyborg, and monkeys throwing poop at each other in the Senate's chambers.
"Yeah, you caught me," said the site's creative director somberly. "I take real images and combine them using a program called Photoshop. None of it actually happened. I am ashamed." He said he even used his considerable artistic talents to depict Trump body-slamming the queen of England, Bernie Sanders stealing kids' Halloween candy, and even create a fake new VeggieTales character who is a marijuana plant.
The Fake News Police then showed up at The Babylon Bee's headquarters and hauled away their team of writers and editors. Their computers were seized as evidence, though reports indicate they attempted to destroy phones, hard drives, and over 30,000 fake news stories before authorities arrived.
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