HARRISON, AR — A local man was excited by the announcement of Apple's new augmented reality headset but was left disappointed by the high price tag. Unable to afford the new headset, the man has found the next best thing by duct-taping his iPhone onto the front of a pair of old ski goggles.
"It's pretty much exactly the same," claimed Jim Butcher while looking around the room with the new contraption on his face. "Saves me a bunch of money while giving me the same thrill! Look, my notifications pop up directly in front of my eyes! I can't read them because they're too close, but wow!"
Apple has faced criticism for the $3500 price of its headset, making it a difficult sell to individuals who have struggled to make ends meet in the most basic ways over the last two years of economic decline. Thanks to the innovation of industrious men like Jim Butcher, however, a wider segment of the populace can look forward to augmented reality and severely damaged eyesight. "Who needs to shell out $3500 when you can do this?" he said excitedly.
When asked what features his makeshift headset offers, Butcher was proud to list the available apps. "You can check the weather forecast — up really close!" he said. "You can also scroll through Instagram, but you can't really make out any of the pictures. And YouTube? It's like you're inside the video…you just can't really see what's going on."
At publishing time, Apple confirmed they would soon be selling a "Vision Lite," which is just a roll of duct tape to attach your phone to a pair of ski goggles. The tape will retail for a more reasonable price of $1,300.
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