U-Haul Builds One-Way Bullet Train From California To Texas
Politics · Nov 10, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

LOS ANGELES, CA — When U-Haul announced an investment in a massive project in California, the state leadership's panic over continued population loss subsided. The relief was short-lived, however, as it turned out U-Haul's big project was just building a bullet train to accommodate the moving needs of everyone fleeing California for Texas.

"We were initially ecstatic when we saw the U-Haul corporation begin construction on this bullet train in our city – until we saw it was pointed East, towards Texas, rather than North towards Sacramento." Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti broke the bad news to California Governor Gavin Newsom, say sources familiar with the situation, and apologized for his premature call to the Governor bragging that he had finally attracted people to his crime-ridden city in the expensive state.

California has lost tens of thousands of companies in the last few decades due to overregulation and crippling taxes, so the announcement of U-Haul's investment was welcome news for leaders in the state. It has since become clear that U-Haul was just helping more people and businesses leave the state more efficiently, to reduce the burden on UHaul's truck fleet, which has been buckling under the strain of all the Californian refugees.

Some citizens of the state have reported seeing more people around, asking why this was the case given the 135,000 net population loss in recent years. When they realized it was more vagrants and homeless, including formerly middle-class residents who had become homeless due to the state's high taxes, they also loaded up into the U-Haul bullet train to seek a new life in the Lone Star State.

At publishing time, Governor Newsom had hardened his heart and loaded up his chariots to chase the fleeing Californian refugees to bring them back to wage slavery in California, but the Grand Canyon closed over his troops after the newly built U-Haul train had exited the Canyon to safety.


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