WORLD — Hundreds of millions of people around the world mourned the sudden death of Twitter last night with hundreds of millions of heartfelt posts on Twitter.
"Twitter is dead. This is it. Goodbye, cruel world!" wrote Washington Post journalist Geebles Snortleton as it became clear the social media site had only a few hours of life left. "It's been great! I'll miss you all! Find me on Meta! It's the wave of the future!"
The post has thus far received 12 likes and 3,487 retweets.
Analysts reported over 300 million similar messages were tweeted on the platform that same evening, leading to a record-breaking spike in Twitter usage.
"Elon has killed Twitter. He has made my blue check irrelevant. He has allowed unqualified people to express their opinions. This isn't just the death of an app, it's the death of democracy itself," said Timothen Fordlestan, another journalist at the Washington Post. "This will be my last tweet on this platform."
At publishing time, sources had confirmed it was not, in fact, Fordlestan's last tweet on the platform.
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!