SAN FRANCISCO, CA—A large number of conservative and satirical Twitter accounts that criticize the left were shut down yesterday in what CEO Jack Dorsey says was, "a totally honest mistake." Dorsey claims an intern set their coffee on a button labeled, 'Destroy All Conservatives,' which is located in the commons area near the coffee machine and easy to miss if you're not paying attention.
"It's right there where people are always setting their coffee. New guys hit it all the time. There is no ill will meant, it's just a button. Total mistake," Dorsey told reporters.
When asked why they would install such a button in the first place, Dorsey said, "I believe we installed that as part of our nonapproved humor eradication protocol. I don't know. If you ask me, Twitter has probably been a little aggressive about banning people on the right." Dorsey was then asked if the button would be removed to prevent further incidents.
"No. Nope," he answered. "It's staying, but we will be extra careful. Promise."
Dorsey then had to end the interview because he had just accidentally stepped on the "ban anyone who says Learn To Code" floor tile.