President Trump is officially back, delivering a truly action-packed first week in office. Here is a breakdown of Trump's incredible accomplishments over his first seven days, as told by the numbers:
34: Minutes Trump has slept since retaking office.
16: Average number of executive orders per minute (EOPM).
7 million: Gay people that Trump has already put into concentration camps.
933: Diet cokes consumed by our new President.
9.9: average attractiveness of Trump cabinet nominees (Hellooooo Tom Homan).
1 billion: People already deported to Mexico.
12: Sudoku puzzles completed by Trump while that L.A. Mayor was babbling.
900,000: Women caught by J.D. Vance not making a baby during their fertile period.
20 million: Delicious menthol cigarettes sold after the ban was lifted.
72: Dude prisoners who could not get their genitals chopped off at taxpayer expense.
2: Pardons received by people who have appeared in Babylon Bee films (also, one buffalo).
1: Gulf of water that got a huge name upgrade.
Zero: Craps given what the media thinks.
What a week -- we can't wait to see what the next seven days hold.
Purchasing congresspeople has never been easier for lobbyists!
