MANHATTAN, NY — After coming up with a devastating burn about the prosecutor's mom, former President Trump sat with his hand hovering over the "send" button as he weighed whether it was a good enough burn to be worth another ten-thousand dollars for violating his gag order.
"It's a good burn, very deep," mumbled Trump to himself as he thought it through. "So harsh, so clever. Worth a lot of money, I'll tell you that."
Despite escalating fines for repeatedly violating a gag order, Trump has continued to think of epic disses worth the rising costs. "With the higher fines, Trump is starting to be more selective with his burns," said Trump lawyer Jerry Leinart. "It's bringing out the best in him, honestly. With every fine, Trump rises to the challenge with an even sicker burn."
After a few minutes of deliberation, Trump reportedly approached the judge's bench with a giant smile and a check already made out for ten-thousand dollars. "Oh, crap," said Judge Merchan, accepting the check. "Alright Mr. Trump, let's see what you posted," he said, opening up his phone. "OH!! OH MAN!!" yelled Merchan, pointing and laughing at the prosecutor. "BURN!!!"
At publishing time, Trump had reportedly asked if he could go ahead and pre-pay for all the sick burns he planned to unleash next week.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
