WASHINGTON, D.C.—This morning President Trump single-handedly solved the world's global warming crisis. In his most genius plan yet, Trump simply opened up all the windows at the White House and ran the air conditioning at 62 degrees. The Earth immediately cooled down, and records indicated a shocking 10-degree drop in global temperatures within an hour of the genius act.
Vice President Mike Pence said the idea came to Trump when he was eating a bowl of ice cream. “He asked me how ice cream gets so cold,” Pence explained. “So I told him, 'It’s because it’s kept at a very low temperature.' He immediately stopped, had me hold his ice cream, and just sort of ran off toward the thermostat. Then he started playing with all the buttons like my wife likes to do.”
“I don’t know how I do it, I really don’t,” claimed President Trump. “But when you’re hot, you’re hot,” he said, blowing the smoke from his finger guns. “And when you’re cold, well, you open up some windows and solve all the world’s problems.”
After fixing the entire world, President Trump was immediately nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, and will without a doubt become this year's winner. Teenage climate activist Greta Thunberg was set to easily take the prize, but when she realized that Trump had already solved global warming she got on her private jet and went back to Sweden to play hockey and take some more acting classes.
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