Trump is going to be reinstated as president this August, reliable sources have informed us -- the best sources, everyone says so. When this happens, he has a lot of work to do returning America to its former greatness. Luckily, high-energy Trump is up to the task. He has already released a list of the first ten things on his agenda for when he gets back in office later this summer:
1. Re-drain the swamp. - There's been a lot of swamp build-up over the past few months -- time to start re-draining!
2. Nuke a blue state as a warning to the rest of the blue states. - California will do nicely.
3. Un-gay the military. - Trump says he will make the military the straightest it's ever been!
4. Sign an executive order bringing back Aunt Jemima, Mr. Potato Head, and Uncle Ben. - Wow! Promises made, promises kept!
5. Lock up Hillary but for real this time. - Lock her up, but actually do it!
6. Order ten new seasons of Firefly. - A move that will gain our true president real bipartisan support.
7. Build 500 new pipelines making gas plummet to a dime a gallon. - It's a foolproof plan.
8. Jail everyone involved in The Last Jedi - Starting with the ringleader Rian Johnson.
9. Make America great again again. - There's a lot of work to do to make America great again, again, but Trump is up to the job. Again.
10. Wipe away every tear. - He will also make the lion lie down with the lamb.
We. Can't. Wait!