U.S. — Former President Trump has suddenly skyrocketed to 100% in the polls after host Joy Behar warned that Trump would ban The View from television if elected.
"Welp, that does it," said lifetime Democrat Dean Bochner after hearing the news. "I never imagined any scenario where I would punch a ballot for Donald Trump, but here we are."
According to pollsters, Trump now holds a one hundred point lead in every single state since the news broke. "We now project Trump winning literally every single vote in Seattle and San Francisco," said pollster Mark Allen. "Despite millions of voters maintaining strong disagreement with Trump about policy issues, the chance to get The View off the air is simply too good to pass up. It has turned every person in America into a single-issue voter."
In addition to cancelling The View, sources warned that a second Trump term would also lead to the banning of Rachel Maddow. "Whoa, you already sold me on Trump," said previous Biden super-donor Amy Langford. "I'll take that cherry on top right now, though. I just had no idea what kind of good that orange man could do for society."
At publishing time, Trump had gained a 100% approval rating world-wide after Keith Olbermann announced he would launch himself into outer space if Trump wins again.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
