Brought to you by: My Patriot Supply
With the first 2024 presidential debate right around the corner, the public is eager to find out what topics will be covered and what questions the CNN moderators will ask the candidates.
Fortunately, The Babylon Bee has obtained the following leaked list of debate questions for the upcoming CNN presidential debate:
"Which of President Trump's crimes should he be executed for?" — With so many to choose from, this will be an important opportunity for each candidate to show wisdom.
"Are you a convicted felon?" — Only candidates who answer "no" will be allowed to stay in the race.
"If you were on a boat with a giant battery and the boat started to sink and there were sharks in the water, would you stay on the boat and risk electrocution or jump in the water and risk a shark attack?" — Just like Abraham Lincoln and John Breckinridge were asked in 1860.
"Please demonstrate your fitness for being president by standing perfectly still with your arms stiffly to the side and staring blankly ahead." — Biden has reportedly been practicing his response to this question for years.
"What's the most illegal thing you've ever done, and don't worry, you totally won't be indicted for it?" — Clearly an unbiased question intended to elicit honest and relatable answers and not in any way a trap for any specific candidate.
"Mr. Trump, why are you such a loser?" — The voters deserve to know.
"How many Pearl Harbors and 9/11s does it take to equal one Jan 6?" — A simple mathematical question that will establish the gravity of the worst day in human history.
"On a scale of 1 to 10, rate your daughter." — Only the creepiest of answers will suffice.
"Who shot first, Han or Greedo?" — One of the most important questions of our time.
"This question is for Trump. Why are you the literal personification of evil on planet Earth?" — Any professional journalistic organization would ask this question.
"Follow-up question for Biden. How ya doin' pal?" — Elected officials have to face tough questions.
"President Biden? Hello? Can you hear us, sir?" — Quick, cut to a commercial break! Here's a word from our sponsors!
If the questions above are any indication, the nation is in for the most fair and impartial presidential debate of all time.
NOT SATIRE: FOOD IS THE FOUNDATION OF SURVIVAL. PERIOD.
DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE ALREADY STARVING TO MAKE A PLAN.
We plan on tomorrow being just like today… But what if it isn't?
For all we know, we could wake up to bad news tomorrow. Really bad news. All the plans anyone had made the day before would be canceled in an instant.
The unprepared would start scrambling to get their hands on anything and everything that could boost their chances of survival. Especially food...
TAKE TOMORROW SERIOUSLY
My Patriot Supply makes it easy to feed your family no matter what comes your way. Their 4-Week Emergency Food Kit is the ultimate addition to your long-term food supply. With 16 flavorful food and drink varieties offering over 2,000 calories every day, you can face tomorrow with confidence knowing you'll be eating well while others flounder. The best part? Preparing these meals is a breeze. Just add water and heat — then eat!
It's the perfect first step toward total food security.
Click below to get $50 OFF their 4-Week Emergency Food Kit today!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.