U.S. — The LA immigration riots have come to a swift and sudden end following a decisive nuclear strike ordered by President Donald Trump.
At precisely 6 AM on Tuesday, an American Northrop B-2 Spirit stealth bomber dropped a 500 kiloton atomic bomb on Downtown Los Angeles, destroying all violent rioters and also everything else. Pentagon officials described the blast as having more power than 500,000 tons of TNT or 20-30 times more powerful than the detonations in Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945. Initial casualty estimates are estimated to be between 500,000 and 1,000,000 with up to 200,000 more expected as a result of nuclear fallout.
"Governor Gavin Newscum, of California, and Mayor Karen Bass, of Los Angeles have ruined a once beautiful city," Trump told officials at the National Military Command Center at the Pentagon. "The only way I can see out of this disaster is one big, beautiful bomb to end all unrest. And it's too bad, it really is too bad. I filmed season six of The Apprentice out there, you know. I'm going to miss it."
According to sources, the bomb was detonated approximately 5 miles above the surface to maximize the blast and thermal radii while limiting radioactive fallout.
"We made a great decision in nuking Los Angeles," Trump said in a post on Truth Social. "It was the only way to deal with the violent, instigated riots in California. If we had not done so, Los Angeles would have been completely obliterated by illegal aliens. You're welcome, America!"
Witnesses in nearby San Diego reported seeing an enormous, blinding light on the horizon. Though shocking, San Diego citizens believe this may improve their chances during the MLB playoff season. "I guess the Dodgers are gone," said Padres third baseman Manny Machado. "Maybe Trump isn't so bad after all."
At publishing time, President Trump had authorized similar strikes on Chicago, Baltimore, Philadelphia, and Austin.
These British police officers are keeping the streets safe from dangerous weapons.
