LAND OF UZ — According to sources, a local man named Job, who has already suffered greatly, is now facing his greatest suffering yet as he went to bed and realized that his sheets were still in the wash.
Job, an upright man who has already lost his wealth, his house, his children, and even his good health, is finally losing the will to go on after realizing just before bed that he'd stripped his sheets and totally forgotten to move them out of the washer to the dryer.
"AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!" Job reportedly cried out to the Lord. "Why must I undergo this great trial? How can I endure? Cursed be the day that my mother bore me! If only I had remembered to switch the sheets earlier — but now I do not even have a spare change of bedding. Woe is me!"
Job's friends report that the poor man's wife was absolutely no help at all.
"When he sought her comfort, she told him that she had stopped the washer in mid-cycle," said Eliphaz the Temanite, as Job's other friends Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite nodded. "I can't even imagine what sort of evil thing Job must have done to merit this punishment. For the righteous most certainly always remember to put on their clean sheets before bed."
At publishing time, Job had suffered even more after he had to put on the fitted sheet by himself.
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