WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has just announced an invitation for Mario and Sonic to come to the White House and broker a historic peace deal.
In yet another win for world peace, the two arch-rivals are expected to walk away from the negotiating table with a historic, ground-breaking settlement for both sides, thanks to Trump's negotiation skills.
"This will be the easiest peace deal to broker, maybe ever," Trump told reporters. "I'll just get Mario and Sonic in a room together, maybe play some Olympic games together or something. Trust me, it's a total slam dunk. My predecessors have been trying to do this for years, but they just couldn't keep up. Sleepy Joe would never have been able to pull this off."
According to sources at the White House, Trump plans to team up with Vice President Vance to "absolutely wallop" Mario and Sonic at Bobsledding until the two former enemies realize how much they have in common.
"It's just too much winning," Trump said. "Winning for Mario and Sonic, because they'll be friends again, winning for JD and me, because we'll win the Bobsledding, and, most importantly, winning for the United States of America, because we are the best nation on earth. Thank you all, and God bless America."
At publishing time, Trump's peace deal between Mario and Sonic had worked so well that he had considered also inviting Kirby and Meta Knight to settle their differences.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
