WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid breathless anticipation for the president’s second pick to the Supreme Court of the United States, President Trump spilled the beans on Twitter Monday afternoon that he had selected conspiracy theorist and talk show host Alex Jones as his nominee for the nation’s highest court.
Trump quickly called a press conference at which he introduced his nominee.
“I like the stuff he says on his show. Good stuff. The best stuff, really,” Trump said. “Whereas all the other candidates for the Supreme Court were heavily involved in the Deep State New World Order, Alex Jones sees right through all the lies. In a world of fake news, Alex cuts through all the BS to bring us the unvarnished truth about UFOs, weather control, and the reptilian plot to overthrow our plane of existence.”
“This guy is the real deal,” he added, before bringing out Jones in a judge’s robe.
Jones then addressed the reporters gathered, beginning a long rant about lizard people taking over the highest levels of our government in order to turn frogs gay with chemicals in the water supply. He was then asked to stop selling Caveman Supplements to members of the press and had to be restrained and tranquilized.