WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the end of Daylight Saving Time approaches, President Trump has declared that instead of turning the clocks back one hour, Americans will be turning them back to January 20, 2017, granting him an entire redo of his first term in office.
"I hereby order all Americans, at the end of DST, to turn all their clocks back to January 20, 2017," Trump said in a speech Wednesday. "This time change will be beneficial for both homes and businesses as I am granted more years to make America great again."
Constitutional scholars desperately searched for a way around the executive order, but since they let the previous president get away with pretty much anything he wanted with his executive orders, they had no precedent to stand on.
"All we can do is put on an outraged face and try to live out 2017, 2018, and 2019 again," said one Harvard professor grimly.
Political pundits worry that Trump may be able to have the time set back to January 2017 just before the election takes place every single one of his terms, granting himself effectively unlimited time in office.
"It's a constitutional loophole we haven't been able to close yet," said one legal scholar. "So we're just gonna have to deal with the Trump presidency for the foreseeable eternity."
As Trump made the announcement, protesters gathered outside the White House to scream at the sky. Again.
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