WASHINGTON, D.C.—Jesus told his disciples that if they had faith the size of a tiny mustard seed, they’d be able to move mountains. Well, look out, because President Trump claims he now has faith as large as a peach pit—potentially enough to destroy the entire planet.
“Someone told me that passage, and I was like, a mustard seed—that isn’t that big,” Trump told gatherers at a church. “And that’s all you need to knock down a mountain? I knew I could have way more faith than that. So I worked on it. I read that, you know, that church book. Now my faith is huge—I'd say the size of a peach pit, easily. It is unstoppable.”
Trump says he has so much faith that he could take out an entire seaboard with just his belief and could potentially destroy the entire planet, though he said he was "joking but true." Trump also said he thinks he could make his faith even bigger—as big as a racquetball—but doesn’t see any reason “anyone needs that much faith.”
Some have asked if there were some non-destructive way for Trump to show his faith, such as humility or attending church services regularly, but Trump says he “doesn’t have anything to prove.”
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.