WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a press conference about the death of Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi, President Trump claimed he personally stopped the terrorist from taking over Nakatomi Plaza and pushed him off the top of the Los Angeles tower, ending in his death.
"These terrorists came in and started shooting while we were having this party, and I took action, crawling into the ventilation ducts," Trump said. "I had to walk across this broken glass while I was firing at them, but I toughed it out."
The president said the terrorists, led by Al-Baghdadi, were attempting to steal $640 million from the building's vault. "Not on my watch," he said. "I had to make sure the terrorist scum died like a dog."
Trump says he's thinking about releasing the footage, which clearly shows him killing one of the ISIS members and then sending a grisly message to the terrorists via a dead body: "Now I have a machine gun. Not good! Sad!" Finally, in a climactic scene, the terrorist is trying to hang on for dear life, holding onto Melania Trump's wrist. But Trump takes off her watch and sends Al-Baghdadi to his doom.
"It was sad to lose that watch. A very nice watch! But America was more important."
In the footage, Trump is also allegedly heard clearly yelling, "Yippie-Ki-Yay, Mister Falcon!"