WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the nation concerned about becoming involved in another never-ending conflict, President Trump assured Americans that U.S. troops would only remain deployed until the Middle East was at peace.
Rifts in Trump's coalition emerged over his decision to attack Iran, which Trump is now seeking to mend by promising to bring all the soldiers home as soon as all unrest in the Middle East is over.
"Everyone relax. The troops will be back when the Jews and Muslims stop trying to blow each other up," explained Trump. "Stop getting your panties in a bunch. This isn't the George W. treatment, okay? We are only staying until the Middle East is peaceful. Our amazing men and women will be home any day now."
Americans expressed relief knowing that the Armed Forces would only remain until the Middle East was quiet and tranquil. "Phew, that's a load off," said local woman Ashley Vargas, whose husband is currently deployed. "All we have to do now is wait for the violence to stop. I'm going to start getting the house ready for my hubby."
At publishing time, Trump had also reassured Americans that the government deficit would only remain high until Congress was happy with how much money was spent on social programs.
Steve and Timpani's continued adjustment to all things Texas hits a speed bump when Timpani's sister, Brittuni, arrives.
