SAN FRANCISCO, CA — The San Francisco Giants unveiled their new City Connect jerseys today with a nod to the feces makes the city so unique.
Fans have embraced the new jerseys, which appear to essentially be a heavy cotton poop emoji with holes cut out for the neck and sleeves.
"These are amazing. I'm getting one for everyone in my family," said local man Frank Barton. "It so perfectly captures what San Fran is all about. These are what City Connect jerseys are supposed to be, something that the people of the city can look at and think, 'Yup, that's my city'."
While fans have loved the new design, players have complained that the girth of the poop jerseys make batting and fielding rather challenging. "It's just not easy getting the bat around," complained designated hitter Rafael Devers. "The width really adds some wind resistance getting around the bases. Plus, I don't know if anyone realizes this, but it's poop. Shouldn't we, like, do something about the city 'connecting' with poo?"
At publishing time, the Los Angeles Dodgers had introduced their City Connect Jerseys which had several holes torn in them covered in trash bags to honor the city's homeless.
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