PALO ALTO, CA — A startling new study out of Stanford University shows almost all graduating high school seniors in the U.S. are unable to recall the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow.
"The data are troubling, to say the least," study lead Marsha Mitchel said. "20 years ago, only 10 percent of seniors were unable to answer the question. Now it's near 90 percent. I don't know what's happening in public education, but something's got to change."
The study's authors said they even let kids choose between answering the airspeed of either an African or European swallow, and kids were still stumped. Many respondents to the questions just answered with "What is this referencing?" and "I think this is from a movie my dad likes."
"The question was just worded so confusingly, I don't know how anyone would have known it," high school senior Brooke Taylor said. "The question just said, ‘What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?' It didn't provide us with any background information or other data that would be useful in answering the question. I guessed 800…I have no idea. 800 what? I don't even know."
At publishing time, the answer was revealed to be 10 meters per second, or 22 miles per hour. All high school students who missed the question were launched off a bridge into a bog.
Congress is preparing to make some big changes!
