Health
Triple-Masker Looks Down On People Who Only Double Mask

U.S.—Health experts are now recommending that people double mask -- place a second mask over the first mask -- to better protect themselves from the virus, or maybe to protect others from themselves possibly having the virus (it’s still kind of unclear). Many are denouncing this recommendation, especially triple-maskers, who find it wholly inadequate.

“I guess I’d only double mask if I didn’t really care about not killing grandma,” said the extremely muffled Mark Carlson, who was wearing three masks at once. “But I have three masks on because there’s an ongoing pandemic and I care.”

Triple-maskers point out that three masks are 50% more effective than two masks. “If the virus somehow makes it past two masks, then we’re all done for,” said Karen Walker, although her exact words were unclear as it was kind of hard to hear her through three masks. “But not if you have a third mask. The virus wasn’t expecting that.”

“Really, I can’t see any reason to wear only two masks unless you’re some kind of misanthrope who wants to see everyone die,” she added.

Not everyone is on board with three masks, though, especially quadruple-maskers, who find three masks to be inadequate -- but most of them have suffocated to death.

There are 74 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.