LEIDERSBERG, VA - Local man Dave O'Gorman went to Home Depot for the fifth time today after buying the wrong size screw again. But this time, he went through the power tool aisle and spotted some power drills on sale.
"Oh man," he said. This one's cordless... it's got a 1/2-inch ratcheting chuck and a variable speed trigger," he muttered, his mind reeling from all the fixing he could do with it. "Man oh man."
Just then, a tiny version of Joel Osteen suddenly appeared on his shoulder, accompanied by a miniature Dave Ramsey on his other shoulder. The two exchanged greetings and then began to argue over what the man should do.
"You deserve it---live your best life," Osteen whispered.
But Ramsey shook his head. "What are you, stupid?"
"You are rich! You are wealthy! You are victorious!" Osteen pleaded.
"No, you're stupid," said Ramsey. "Why would you buy these tools you don't even need with money you don't have to impress people you don't even like?"
The bickering went on for some time, with Osteen and Ramsey exchanging barbs. At one point Osteen seemed to have the upper hand as he showed off his ability to do one-handed handstand push-ups. "Look what I can do," he said smugly as Ramsey looked on in despair.
"Yeah, he's got a point," said Ramsey. "But still, if you buy this on credit, you'll be paying this off for years. Live like no one else now, and later you can live like no one else, Dave."
O'Gorman told the pair he was just getting really confused and told them to "be gone."
Eventually, he settled on doing the right thing and just buying the screw, but when a Home Depot cashier asked if he'd like to open a credit card, Osteen and Ramsey apparated to begin their quarrel anew.