OXFORD — Following a study conducted over the course of several years, a group of some of the world's leading and most highly respected theologians have announced that they have been able to conclusively confirm that sin is wack and not, in fact, dope.

This consensus was reached after a special gathering of ministers, professors, and biblical scholars to pore over scripture and consider evidence collected over many decades, giving the theologians sufficient ground to confidently state that, while some may argue that sin is dope, it is, instead, quite wack.

"This was a pretty fly study," said Dr. Blake Rumsey, Professor of Modern Theology at Oxford. "My colleagues and I were able to determine — unequivocally — that sin is, without a doubt, wack. Anyone who would attempt to make any reasonable claim that sin is dope can, therefore, be classified as wack themselves."

Other members of the study concurred. "This also confirms that the Bible is totally fresh," said Professor Clifford Martin of Cambridge. "Some may try to diss God and express the belief that His Word is no longer hip, but all of the evidence we gathered makes a nearly ironclad case that following the Lord is rather tight and is the way to experience the illest closeness with Him."

At publishing time, the theologians all agreed that even the most cursory reading of the biblical text could only yield the opinion that sin was wack, leading any true believer to give mad props to God and acknowledge that living a righteous life was truly phat.

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