WASHINGTON, D.C. — It's too much winning: President Donald J. Trump has just announced a generous $100 billion in aid for the Babylon Bee to develop a third joke.
Washington insiders say that the grant has been high on the president's to-do list ever since he realized that the Babylon Bee only has two jokes it has cycled through over and over again since 2016.
"Don't get me wrong — they're doing great work over at the Bee, it's absolutely tremendous," the president told reporters. "Much better than CNN, which is a very sad little source for fake news. I hope they'll get better now that they're firing Jim Acosta. But the Bee would be much better if they could only find a third joke. I said to myself, 'Donald, they keep repeating the same two jokes. Why can't you help them find a new one?' That's why we're devoting this money to making the Bee funny again. It'll be a new golden era of Babylon Bee articles."
Seth Dillon, CEO of the Babylon Bee, said that the $100 billion grant would help assist his plans of building the best Christian satire website in the world by tyrannically underpaying his writers and using the profits to purchase another 20-mile strip of tropical beach real estate.
"We're so grateful that @realdonaldtrump has chosen to support our efforts to develop a third joke," Dillon posted to X. "I'm sure the money will go where it needs to go."
At publishing time, the Babylon Bee had requested more money after spending the grant on Sonic fan art and original handwritten Tolkien manuscripts of the Lord of the Rings.
Travis is back on his mission to interview everyone. Next on the list is celebrity chef and restauranteur Andrew Gruel.
