HOUSTON, TX — Taking stock of himself in the mirror this morning, local teenager Adrian Larson became deeply concerned that his hair does not look enough like a head of broccoli.
As he surveyed the way his brown hair rose and branched out to a fluffy crown, Larson could not help but feel that his hair could still be more broccoli-shaped.
"I'm really self-conscious about the lack of broccoli resemblance," admitted Larson. "When I catch a glimpse of my hair in the mirror, I don't immediately think about broccoli or even cauliflower. My hair just doesn't quite look like it's exploding out of my head in all directions into a perfect floret. I feel like my friends are laughing behind my back, saying stuff like, 'Hey, look at that dope whose hair doesn't look like broccoli.' It's so embarrassing."
According to family members, Larson had spent the past two years desperately working to get his hair looking more like a cruciferous vegetable. "Adrian just takes a picture of broccoli and hands it to the barber," said Adrian's mother, Jennifer. "He wants so badly to match the look of all those little green buds emanating from the top of the spear. I really think his hair looks quite a bit like a head of broccoli, but mom's opinion doesn't count, of course."
At publishing time, Larson had put a poster of VeggieTales' "Guy Broccoli" on his wall for inspiration.
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