Whoa, man. Check it out: That's a free couch sitting on the side of the road there. Not a chair. Not a love seat. A whole friggin' couch.
Couches cost so much these days, this is like finding $2,000 sitting in an envelope on the side of the road with a note that says "take me." Except, it's a delightfully patterned piece of furniture upholstered in a rustic-colored cotton and polyester mix with a sign that says "free couch." What lucky star were you born under to discover such a find?
Oh, flippin' sweet, it's got some kind of suede on those pillows. The cushions are worn in just the right amount, and it's all nice and springy. Look at these wide arms, with the little design carved into the back. Pretty fancy. Who in the world puts a couch like this on the curb? This thing is amazing.
This is what old-timey panhandlers must have felt like when they finally saw the sparkle of gold in their tin. A gift from on high, except this couch is even better than gold because you can fall asleep on it while watching Kung Fu Panda 2. You have truly hit the motherlode.
Call your buddy with the pickup truck and load it up, boys.
California transplants Steve and Timpani try to be the perfect Texas hosts for Brittuni's visit, but Steve quickly realizes he needs a sensible vehicle now that he's about to become a dad.
