JERUSALEM — In a surprising new discovery that coincides with recent news headlines, biblical scholars confirmed that Judas Iscariot likely received his 30 pieces of silver from the Southern Poverty Law Center.
The new insight came as the result of theologians and investigators collaborating to dig into other instances of the SPLC covertly paying people to infiltrate and subvert organizations it deemed to be "problematic," with newly unearthed parchments confirming that Judas was paid a sum of 30 pieces of silver to work against the ministry of Jesus Christ from the inside.
"Looks like they've been doing this type of thing for a long time," said Professor Clayton Rookstool, a Bible scholar who worked with investigators to uncover the truth. "The SPLC apparently found Jesus to be a threat to their sociopolitical agenda and sought someone on the side to do their dirty work for them. The SPLC then worked hand-in-hand with the temple priests to have Judas work his way into the disciples, do their bidding, and report back. He was up to no good, and the SPLC was a part of the whole thing."
The discovery served to confirm that the SPLC had been infiltrating conservative Christian organizations since the beginning. "They wanted to bring Jesus down as much as anyone," Rookstool continued. "The greed of Judas Iscariot gave them the ‘in' they needed to cause trouble. Thankfully, and very much unbeknownst to them, they were following right along with God's plan."
At publishing time, the scholars had also revealed evidence that the SPLC had provided substantial funding for the Philistines during the reign of King David.
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