U.S. — A newly released study has revealed that overall malarkey levels across the country have risen 376% since Biden took office, calling into question his Presidential campaign slogan that promised "No Malarkey."
"We've never seen malarkey levels this high since we started measuring malarkey in 1976," said Stanford researcher Dr. Greg Foop, who led the study. "The readings are off the chart — over 20,000. Not even Great Britain has a malarkey count that high. This is unsustainable."
The study was inconclusive about where all the malarkey was coming from, but experts theorized it could have something to do with runaway inflation, mass illegal immigration, unchecked government corruption, Hunter Biden's laptop, or that one cross-dressing guy in the Biden admin who kept stealing luggage.
At publishing time, Democrats in the House introduced legislation to raise the malarkey ceiling.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
