U.S.—A new peer-reviewed study published in American Science Journal Today found that Americans spend an average of 92% of their life just trying to plug USB cables in the correct way.
"Americans wake up in the morning and try to plug their phone in," said Dr. Larry Walter, who oversaw the study. "Of course, they can't get the USB cable to orient correctly, so they spend a good hour on that. Then they get in the car and plug their phone into the charger down there, and it's another couple hours of messing with it before they can even leave."
The study found that USB cables actually exist in two states at once, where they're both the correct way up and the wrong way up at the same time, and you won't know which until you plug it in. But then when you plug it in, it's somehow always the wrong orientation.
"If an office worker has to plug their mouse in after getting their laptop ready, forget about it," Dr. Walter said. "At that point, the worker will achieve 0% productivity for the rest of the day, as they'll sit there for a full 9 hours trying to figure out which way the darn thing plugs in."
Some Americans even get them plugged in the right way, but then accidentally trip over the cable, causing another 3 hours of fumbling with the blasted things.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.